Adventure Time With Kublam
by WolframLover09
Summary: This is just a bunch of silly/crack stories about Kurt, Sam, and Blaine that I put together. Some parts of these stories are inspired by my big sister and I doing stupid things. Don't judge us.
1. Chapter One

In New York there lived an adorable, puppy-eyed man who was happily with this handsome young man names Kurt Hummel. They lived with Rachel, Santana and Sam. Rachel was working hard to be in Broadway. Blaine was going to Nyada with Kurt and Rachel. Sam however wanted to be a model. He dreamed of having his picture being on a bus.

One day Blaine and Kurt were alone, finally. Things were getting all hot between them and cock-blocking Sam came entered the apartment. Really? Now? Sam talked a bunch of nonsense to the couple and said something about going to take a shower. Blaine watched as Sam took ice cream to the shower with him. Why was he taking ice cream with him? Who knows?

"Blaine, I know he's your best friend but come on! He has got to go." Kurt snapped at Blaine as he got off the man.

Blaine rolled his eyes in annoyance. "I know, I know. I'll talk to him. Maybe I can get him to actually get a job?" Blaine shrugged and bit his lip. He didn't want to have Sam move away. He would miss them reading fan fiction together.

"No, Blaine. He needs to go. Like, boom out." Kurt gestured with his foot, acting like he kicked Sam out with his leg.

Blaine sighed and rubbed his forehead. "Okay, fine." He stood up and put his hands on Kurt's waist. He leaned in and nuzzled his nose to Kurt's chin. "I'll talk to Sam, okay? Come on, Kurt. Relax and stop stressing out."

"Don't get all cute with me, Anderson." Kurt warned but had a little playful tone to his voice.

"Why not? I thought you enjoyed me being cute." Blaine replied and kissed at Kurt's neck. "How about I just be naughty then?"

Kurt, of course, couldn't fight back the urge to get in bed with Blaine. "You're doing all the work then, Blaine." He said with a grin.

"Alright, Sir." The bow-tie man said as he led the taller one into the bedroom.

The next day Blaine went to talk to Sam. Sam was playing a video game and wore this disgusting shirt. After some time later he got Sam to agree to go out. He offered Sam to go see a scary movie. They got to the movie theater and waited in line.

"Would you like butter on your popcorn?" Blaine asked.

"Duh! Who wouldn't want that? Butter is so good, Dude. Oh I was talking to this model man and he was like super gay, but that's okay! I told him that I have a gay best friend and that you used to want to do me and all that. He thought it was neat that I was cool with it." Sam went on about how this guy was and stuff. Blaine wasn't really paying attention all too much. "-en had babies from the butt. Is that true?"

Blaine snapped out of it and looked at Sam. "Huh? What?"

"When two gay men love each other a lot the bottom dude can have a baby. The baby comes out of the butt. Is that true?" Sam explained with a very serious tone.

"No, Sam. Babies don't come out of a butt. There needs to be some sort of egg. Remember sex education?" He asked.

"All I remember is the teacher showing us how to put a condom on and the little statues of the vagina and dick." Sam replied with all honesty.

"Sam…" Blaine said with a sigh.

"So then do they give birth to an egg that releases a baby? Like, the baby just bursts out of the egg?" Sam asked while he acted like he burst out of an egg.

"How about this, I'll explain it when we get home." Blaine said as he patted Sam's back.

Sam nodded and they finally ordered their food and drinks. Sam and Blaine shared a bowl of popcorn but had separate drinks. They got to sit down in a middle row. Without thinking Sam put his arm over the back of Blaine's chair. It felt comfortable to him that way since he was a buff guy and the place was sort of packed.

Blaine didn't really care much. It was Sam after all. Sometimes Sam would do this at home and Kurt would see but Kurt didn't care. Kurt knew he didn't have any competition. In fact, sometimes he was glad Blaine and Sam hung out a lot. It gave Kurt some time away from them.

As the scary movie went on Blaine found himself with his hands over his eyes, peeking out between his fingers, and Sam had his hand clenched around Blaine's arm. It was somewhat painful and most of the time he had to declaw Sam from his arm.

When the movie was over, they decided to walk around town some more. Blaine talked to Sam about how he needed to find somewhere to go or get an actual job. He reminded Sam that it was great that he was becoming a model, but it wasn't paying the bills, nor did it make Kurt happy that he was living on the couch. They suddenly broke out into a song, because that's what they always do. Randomly start singing. They sang and danced with each other to "Best Day of My Life".

Finally they got home late and were still frightened from the movie. Sam and Blaine looked at each other. "I'm going to go take a shower." Blaine said to Sam and went to grab his pajamas. He came back and went to Sam, who was sitting on the couch. He tapped on his shoulder and gave Sam the puppy eyed look. "Can you wait by the door? I'm kind of scared."

"Sure, Buddy." Sam said and stood up. He had his pajamas in his hand, which were just pajama pants.

They went to the bathroom together and Sam stood by the closed, unlocked door. After some time went by, actually not even a minute, Blaine called Sam's name.

"What is it?" Sam asked through the door.

"Can you…come in? Just sit on the toilet but don't look." Blaine asked in a mixed tone of laughter and being afraid.

Sam laughed and went into the bathroom. He sat on the toilet lid and didn't look at Blaine at all. The shower had a blurry look to it so it just looked like Blaine was censored all over anyway.

Sam made fun of Blaine for being sacred and joked with him about how weird their relationship was. Blaine found it funny also and to lighten the mood he pushed his bubble ass against the shower door.

"Sam, look at me." Blaine tried to get Sam's attention which worked.

Sam laughed his ass off. "Dude your ass-…" Sam couldn't hold back the laughter and felt like he was going to die. It was so unexpected and hilarious.

Blaine washed his body off and was done showering. He peeked out of the shower and looked at Sam. "Close your eyes or turn around. Don't look!" He ordered with his bushy, wet eyebrows furrowed.

Sam rolled his eyes. "You only wish I would look." Sam said back and turned his head to look away from Blaine. He even covered his eyes just to have Blaine chill.

Blaine got out after drying off first. He put on his pajamas, which were star wars pajamas. Sammy and Blaine had matching pajamas. Only Sam usually wore just the pants.

"Okay, I'm done." He said and Sam got up.

Sam took off his shirt and looked at Blaine as he unbuckled his belt. "You can go. I'll be fine."

"Okay, if you're sure…" Blaine said and went out of the bathroom. He stood by the door, knowing Sam would probably want him to come back in. Again not even a minute later Sam called out for Blaine, which made Blaine smile. He walked in and sat on the toilet lid. "So, you thought you would be fine huh?"

"Shut up." Sam pouted out as he rinsed the shampoo out of his hair. Sam grinned to himself and put his as to the shower door. "Hey look at this!"

Blaine looked over and there it was, Sam's ass. It wasn't as bubbly as Blaine's ass was, but it had a nice shape to it. Blaine thought to himself, ten out of ten I would fuck if I wasn't with Kurt. Blaine laughed at Sam. "Really? Pay back huh?"

"Like, you didn't enjoy it. You know you'd tap it!" Sam shouted as a joke, peeking out of the shower to stare at Blaine.

"Yes, Sam. Exactly." Blaine joked back with a toll of his eyes. Boy, their relationship was weird.


	2. Chapter Two

**Chapter 2**

"Blaine!" Sam called out from the bathroom.

Blaine got up from the couch and walked to the bathroom door. He opened it, thinking Sam would have been fully clothed. Well, he was half right.

Sam stood there in front of the mirror, staring at his bare chest. His deep red colored towel was wrapped around his waist. He looked in the mirror towards Blaine and frowned.

"Hey…what color are your nips?" The blonde dumbass asked.

"My ni-…why?" Blaine asked very confused.

"Because, Dude…I was watching porn the other day and this guy had kind of weirdly shaped nipples and they were brown. Then I got to thinking about mine. Mine are very tiny." He turned towards Blaine and pointed at his right nipple. "See? Tiny nipple."

"And…why do you want to see mine?"

"I forgot what yours look like." He bit his puffy bottom lip. "And…I just want to compare nipples."

"If I do this, will you stop worrying about your nipples?" Blaine asked as he started to take off his shirt.

"Yeah, Dude!" Sam exclaimed happily.

Once Blaine's nicely fitted shirt came off him, his not so muscular torso showed. Sam eyed Blaine's nipples and walked closer. They both looked down, when Sam was inches away from Blaine's chest.

"You have normal nips…" Sam said with a hit of jealousy.

"Sam, you and I had a deal. I would show you mine if you'd stop worrying about yours." The brunette warned.

"I see that you've been taking my advice on shaving the nipple pubes." Sam brought his nipple closer and they touched.

"I guess so…" Blaine looked at him very speculatively. "You're not going to chop mine off and glue them to your body, right?"

"Nah, I think I'd look weird with your nips on me."

Sam turned away and took off his towel, his ass showing to Blaine. He bent down and grabbed his pajama pants, going commando. Blaine wasn't having any of it. He was looking in directions away from Sam's ass.

"I wonder who has the better nips though. Think Kurt and Rachel would tell us?" He asked Blaine, turning around. "Dude, you've seen my junk before."

"It doesn't mean I want to see it now, Sam." Blaine sighed and shrugged his shoulders. "Okay, we can go ask them if they will tell us who has the better nipples."

They both walked out of the bathroom together. Kurt was on the couch watching a TV show. Before Sam called for Blaine, the couple was cuddling on the couch. Rachel was in her room, practicing her vocal chords.

"Rachel, can you come out here? Sam and I need to have you and Kurt vote on something." Blaine called out.

"Vote on what?" Kurt asked as he muted the TV.

"Who has the better nips." Sam answered.

"…I'm not even going to ask." Kurt stated with a roll of his eyes.

"The better nipples…?" Rachel asked as she made her way to the couch, sitting down on it and crossing her legs.

"So, who has the better ones?" Sam asked pointing to Blaine and his own nipples. "And don't vote Blaine because you do him."

"I say Sam." Rachel said the same time Kurt answered.

"Blaine."

"So it's a tie…" Blaine said with a slight frown, wishing for all of this to be over.

"That's not fair. We'll need someone to vote too. Let's call Artie and have him come over and vote!" Sam clapped his hands together, getting very happy.

Everyone, besides Sam, sighed audibly. In the end Sam couldn't get ahold of Artie. So they all settled for the tie. Today is just one of Sam's weird days.

**A/N: I hope you enjoyed my weird chapter today! Sorry it's not a very long one. Anyway, have a nice day or night!**


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